


Should Have Been Me

by asexualjuliet



Category: Foolish Hearts - Emma Mills
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Epilepsy, Gen, Gid’s got a lot on his plate, Iris Huang is a Damn Good Friend, Panic Attacks, Texting, and he’s trying the best he can
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-16 04:29:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21030272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asexualjuliet/pseuds/asexualjuliet
Summary: “I wish it was me,” Gideon says. “Every goddamn thing I do, I do for him, to keep him safe. Noah’s the best frickin’ person I know, Iris, and I love him.”





	Should Have Been Me

**Author's Note:**

> I am officially the only person in this fandom, but I had some feelings I wanted to get out about Gideon Prewitt 
> 
> I wrote this in eighth grade so rip.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

_ One (1) New Message from Alicia Smith _

**Alicia:** Gideon can you come to the psychodrome? Something happened to Noah and I’m kinda freaking out

**Gideon:** are you serious

**Gideon:** oh god alicia okay

**Gideon:** stay with him and dont freak out please

**Gideon: **make sure hes breathing and im gonna come rlly quick

**Alicia:** ok!!

—

They’re not there when he gets there. 

—

_ Message Sent to Iris ~Yiwei~ Huang _

**Gideon: **iris meet me at the psychodrome

**Gideon:** iris i need help

**Iris:** I’m coming. 

**Iris:** Are you hurt?

**Gideon:** please come

—

_ Three (3) unread messages from Alicia Smith _

**Alicia:** He’s okay

**Alicia:** He says you don’t need to worry, but I’m going to drive him home. 

**Alicia:** Gideon?

—

he can’t breathe and he’s so damn terrified but then there’s a girl behind him and hes sobbing and what the hell? noah where’s noah? and the girl says something and he can’t hear it but she says it again and he still can’t hear but one of the words was claudia and he’s shaking his head because no claudia can’t see him like this and what the hell noah? he’d warned him but he didn't listen and he hears the girl say gideon can you hear me so he looks at her and all he says is it should have been me

—

**Iris Huang—>Noah Edelman**

**Iris:** Noah?

**Iris: **Gideon’s freaking the hell out and crying I don’t know what to do. 

**Iris:** Noah are you there?

**Noah: **oh goddammit

**Noah:** tell him im okay and im sorry

**Noah: **sh*t just tell him to breathe

—

the girl is iris, he’s gotten that far and she says you’re okay gideon you’re okay but he can’t freaking _ breathe _ and he hears her say noah's okay, gid can you please breathe? and she’s probably right but goddammit noah why does this keep happening when he warns him ahead of time? why the hell does it have to be noah instead of him? but the girl—iris—her eyes are wide and she’s looking at him and she _ wants _ him to be okay so he takes a deep breath and whispers, “I’m okay.”

—

There’s a long silence as Iris starts the car, the only noise coming from what Gideon thinks must be the new _ This Is Our Now _ album playing on the radio. His phone buzzes. 

** _Noah:_ ** _ hey gid im okay _

** _Noah: _ ** _ alicia drove me home, really i’m fine _

Gideon types back, hands shaking. 

** _Gideon:_ ** _ You scared me. _

** _Noah:_ ** _ i know gid, i’m so sorry _

“You okay?” Iris asks, sympathetic brown eyes looking into his red-rimmed blue ones. 

He half-smiles. “I just freaked out. It happens.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Gideon looks at her, expecting her to be joking, but she keeps her eyes on the road and he’s pretty sure she’s serious. 

“Noah has epilepsy,” he starts, and he hates the way the words feel in his mouth. “He—I’m always telling him to be careful but he never listens, and then I’m always fucking terrified something’s gonna happen and when it does I just—lose it.”

Iris nods. “That sucks.”

“I wish it was me,” Gideon says. “Every goddamn thing I do, I do for him, to keep him safe. Noah’s the best frickin’ person I know, Iris, and I love him.”

“I know you do,” Iris says, “but you don’t have to worry, he’s okay.”

“What if one day, he’s not?” Gideon’s voice breaks as the tears find their way down his face. He wipes his face with the sleeve of his hoodie as Iris stops the car. Gideon looks out the window. “Iris, this isn’t my house.”

“No, duh, genius,” she smirks, and leans over to give him a hug. “And for the record, Noah’s a fucking badass. He’ll be fine.”

Gideon smiles. “‘Night, Iris,” he says, as she lets go, and he opens the door of the car to get out.

“‘Night, Gid, I’ll see you on Monday.”

He makes his way across the front lawn, walks up the gray stone stairs that he smashed his face on when he was five, and knocks on the door that he shut his finger in when he was ten. The door opens. 

“Hey, Gid,” the boy says, kind eyes looking at him behind wire-rimmed glasses. He opens his mouth to say something else, but is cut off by Gideon’s arms around him. 

“You scared me,” Gideon says, burying his face in Noah’s shoulder. “Why the hell did you do that?”

It’s honestly a great question, and Noah can’t say for sure why he’d done it, but he remembers a big bold sign that says _ not recommended for riders with the following conditions _ and then a long list of all the different crap that can go wrong with you that ends with _ epilepsy _. 

He remembers Alicia holding his hand and pulling him over and saying hey let’s go on this one! And the sign is staring down at him, but Alicia’s eyes are so bright, twinkling in the dark and screw it, he’s sick of not being able to do anything he wants to. And so he says _ sure _ and her face breaks into a smile as she pulls him into line. 

Gideon’s tears on his shoulder snap him back to reality and he says “I don’t know, Gid, but really, I’m okay.”

“I know,” Gideon murmurs into Noah’s shoulder, “Just freaked out, that’s all.”

“Come on,” Noah says, pulling Gideon in the open door. “Mom just made cookies.”

Gideon smiles. “Double chocolate mint explosion?” 

“Hell yeah, dude.” Noah replies, and Gideon smiles despite everything.

—

“Noah?” Gideon whispers into the silence. It’s 12am, both boys have eaten at least ten cookies each, and each of them takes up one leg of the couch in the living room. 

“Yeah, Gid?”

“Do you remember in freshman year after we got home from the hospital and we were on the swingset?”

“Yeah,” Noah says, something stabbing him in the chest as he remembers how damn scared Gideon was that night. 

“I said I wished it was me.”

“I remember.”

Noah remembers the look on Gideon’s face as he said it, the hug Noah had immediately enveloped him in after the words left his mouth. He remembers every goddamn thing about that morning. 

“I still do.” Gideon says. “Wish it was me.”

“I know you do, Gid,” Noah says, tears threatening to spill down his face. 

“I love you, Noah.”

“I love you too, Gideon.”

And things are probably going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> All mistakes are my own, please let me know if you see any!
> 
> Kudos/Comments are greatly appreciated!


End file.
